Sunday 17 July 2011

"Now There's a Classy Lady."

The title of this blog post was taken from something said about me the other day as I passed by, in the most sincere voice I've ever heard. So I thought about it a while, and decided to make a post about class, and how it's important.

I am not, of course, talking about social standing - "working class" or "upper class" or anything in between. I am talking about the class that transcends monetary terms. Social ability, etiquiette, wit and gracefullness all make up class. It is especially important for those who are different to be classy, not trashy or bitchy.

I have mentionbed before about the importance of being kind and polite in order to set an example of the goth subculture - overall kind, accepting, intelligent and thoughtful - for the rest of the world. People might misunderstand and judge us, so it is vital we do our best to display the best of ourselves to spare young goths our pain in the future. Being classy is another way we can do this.

I am rather rigid about etiquette. I was out with some friends the other day and was appalled by their behaviour in shops - running around, laughing loudly, screeching, pushing their way through, not excusing themselves for being in people's ways and generally acting like people who were not at all mature. Their outward rudeness struck me and left a bad taste in my mouth. It set such a bad example that it honestly embarassed me to be around them.

This example was, of course, of teenagers, not goths specifically, but they're the kind to complain when being treated like bratty children, at school and at society at large. Generally, one is treated the way one acts.

When out and about in the world, my dear goths, it's important to be polite, kind and genuine. Even when having an awful day, lacking "please", "thankyou", "excuse me" and "sorry" is never excusable. Being polite, however, does not mean that you let people walk all over you. Remember that!

People are tiring, I know that, but it is important to keep your cool. Yes, witty retorts are still classy, as long as you keep them sharp and not crass. Being forgiving is also another important thing about being a person with class - forgive and forget, and move on.

Not to mention, dress appropriately! We all have our occasional PVC miniskirt days, but knowing when and wear they are appropriate is very important. I don't wear tiny skirts often, to be honest, as I prefer long ones, or at least knee-length ones. I have always thought that it isn't my business to avoid offending people (as the people I tend to offend, tend to be those people who look to be offended), but there is definitely a line. Modesty isn't an issue, after all, it's your body, but perhaps that leather crop top should be saved for nighttime wear only, yeah?

What are your favourite or most horrible class and etiquette violations - by yourself or other people? Am I the only person irked by the blurred lines between "it's my body and I can flaunt it how i like" and "if i show you my ass, will you love me?" Is this a bad lesson to be teaching the young girls of our society? Let me know how you feel on the subject of class, etiquette, behaviour and dress!


Xanthy said...

I went to a goth party in Antwerp last weekend, and I took a friend who isn't really familiar with the goth scene. He was surprised and impressed by how friendly everyone was: they always said soemthing like "sorry" or "excuse me" when he bumped into them, even if it wasn't their fault. Apparently, this stuff doesn't happen at 'regular' parties.

And people still think we're the rude ones...

Kitty Lovett; The Unadulterated Cat said...

That's a great outcome. :D I had the same experience at my "gothie debut" (green fairy's words, not mine!). Everyone was extremely friendly, and met and exceeded all of my expectations. Especially the guy in the dress who was talking to and flirting with me - I didn't mind though, he was very nice (and had long blonde hair - curses, my one weakness!).

I don't quite understand how we're supposed to be the rude ones. My wat, world. You have all of it.

The Green Fairy said...

I dunno about manners, but I consider myself the mother of appropriate clothing; seeing as I never wear anything that shows leg or breast...or anything really :P

VictorianKitty (Sophistique Noir) said...

Congratulations on the lovely compliment!! I think you raise a good question. I am all about "dressing appropriately" in terms of decency, although I don't have as rigid an opinion on what is "decent" as former generations had... I don't think we can generalize and say "low cut blouse is bad" or "short skirt is bad" - it all comes down to each individual item on each individual person. It also ties in with how the person is behaving and carrying themselves. Twins could be wearing identical "skimpy" outfits and it would look trashier on the one who behaves in a trashier manner, while looking more modest on the one who is ladylike, demure and decent in her behavior. That's my take on it, anyway! :)

Kitty Lovett; The Unadulterated Cat said...

Fairy - it's a shame. You're hot. :P

Victoriankitty - I don't like the word "ladylike". It implies that being polite, kind and appropriate is a quality that only women need to have. And while girls acting like bratty toddlers annoys me to no end, so do boys who wear their pants around their knees and walk around using "fuck" like a spacebar. Yes, I swear like a sailor. But I make sure not to do so in front of elderly people and children, and if by accident I do, I usually apologise for it. Being "demure" is another thing. One can be polite and not be a simpering seen-and-not-heard subservient mess at the same time. I am very rarely demure - respectful, yes, quiet, generally, but being polite does not mean you have no backbone! I have been told by many people that it is not my place to speak out and have an opinion (i'd say 'this isn't the victorian era', but armed with an education, I know that women were frequently outspoken. Beatrix Potter. That is all), and I have slapped people for telling me to get back to the kitchen. Why? Because their mother obviously didn't. And because they'd never play me in CoD because I would beat them.


Tenebris In Lux said...

Hahhaha - hmmm, can't really see myself in a short skirt, although when I have posted outfit pictures in the past, I have gotten a "you're a hottie" comment once o_0 And yeah, it's later at night here, so I'm browsing your blog some more xD

Anyhow, about classy ..

Whereas the general people of my school want to look like poster boys and poster girls for any popular brand (usually thin and low tank-tops paired with a jakcet to add innocence, and of course some designer skinny jeans) .. I try to always keep it toned down. Yeah, I don't really have anything skimpy or sexy provocative in my closet. One time I was wearing nothing but white sheets draped around me -- every year I do that to raise eyebrows -- but it's hardly skimpy. I pile around the sheets in a way to create a bustle skirt. And most of those poster kids were taunting me with, "Ew, you know you made your a-- look big, right?"

Yeah. I'm not sure what shocked me more that day: that they happened to be so rude with the sudden change of appearance, or the fact that none of them have heard about a bustle skirt!

GothBarbie said...

I agree with VictorianKitty that two people wearing the same thing can come off as classy vs. trashy.

I think it's kind of obvious when a girl or woman is dressing to show off their bits vs. having an actual STYLE about their skimpy outfit. It drives me INSANE the amount of totally TRASHY young women at the clubs in their UNDERWEAR. seriously - underwear - that is not FASHION and certainly not goth fashion. YUCK.

I don't think we women need to cover up to be classy - but I guess some have class and some just don't.


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